stoked!

"Life is a wave, and your attitude is your surfboard. Enjoy the ride!" - Drew Kampion

ASR was last weekend. I dipped in to show my face, bro-down and attempt to stay connected somehow to the surfing industry. This year seemed a little low-keyed in comparison to the raging party scene of ASRs past. But still, as always, I leave miffed by the immature behavior of the majority of the attendees. More than a few times while walking around the show, I rolled my eyes, annoyed (like my mom does) by some kind of shenanigans. As always, I come to the sad conclusion that surfers, skateboarders and snowboarders seem to age, but they do not grow up.

Then it hit me... isn't this the point?

Think about sports that are played in high school. How many grown ups get to still play football or baseball on the weekends? Most adults are reduced to spectators, who have nothing but glory days of the past to bask in. On the other hand, boardsport participants look to the future. Snowboarders await seasons of snow, surfers wait for sets and skateboarders... well, they go skateboarding.

I think of my own experiences. Surfing is the only thing that I have ever been good at. I don't get out as often, but I am still captivated. No matter what I am doing, I pause when the wind switches offshore. Changing seasons excite me, with the knowledge that the shift in weather means shifts of the sand, wind and waves. Summertime south swell, north swell in the winter, cross swells in between.

Surfing has been the pot of gold waiting at the end of my travels. The search for waves is behind most of the stamps in my passport. How many golfers can claim that? How many basketball enthusiasts go on trips to shoot hoops?

When people write about surfing, it always seems a little cheesy. Maybe it's because the feeling is so difficult to explain and put into words. Stoked is the word often used to describe the feeling of euphoria associated with surfing. It was a word I used to use a lot. These days I am always annoyed, or peeved, or exasperated, or irked, or, or, or... you get the picture.

What I should do is just go surfing. I should take a minute to let myself be cleansed by the sea. I should change my attitude, I should be...

stoked.

隐形人 yǐnxíng-rén

"Then I guess we all miss you." - H

My brother's friend Daniel was the first of our group of friends to get married. I was in the ninth grade when it happened, and he was a few years older than my brother, who is a few years older than me. But still, Daniel was young when he got hitched.

A few years later Daniel had his first child. He wasn't the first of our group to have a child, but he was the first to do it right (in the traditional family set up: husband, wife, baby, is what I mean). Around this time is when Daniel started to vanish.

We saw less and less of Daniel, fewer spottings at the beach and never ever after 9 P.M. Whenever we did see him, he typically had a diaper bag under arm and kids in tow. We missed him.

I found out later that Daniel missed us too. We all assumed that he was busy warming up bottles, changing diapers, day-care, karate, ballet, soccer. Truth was, there were times when Daniel waited for his phone to ring, days when his wife (motivated by love/pity) wanted him out of the house. He would putter around the garage wondering what the old gang was up to.

In our minds Daniel had grown up and left us behind... in his mind, Daniel felt left behind.

I know how you feel, brother. My life is a whirlwind of classes and work. Toss in a six-year old and it gets really intense. Some mornings I can't remember what time who needs to be dropped off and where. Between ear infections and fevers, looking for lost homework, making pancakes and packing sack lunches, my world is overwhelming at times.

And it is starting to shrink. This is how it feels to be grown up I guess. My friends wonder where I've been (and I wonder where my friends went.)

But, I am not complaining.

Once I was young. I felt like I had thousands of open doors ahead of me. The future was like touching books with fairy tale adventures awaiting within. I was a Lost Boy and I refused to grow up. There were no horizons. My world was enormous and open,

...but also lonely,

...and often sad.

My friends you should know that I haven't vanished. I am here, I am happy, but I miss you too.

seasons of fire

There are fires burning out of control up north. I get this nervous, anxious feeling whenever I watch the news reports.

Growing up in Hawaii, I have had my share of natural disasters. I have experienced a couple of Hurricanes... watched the wind blow by. There were a few tsunami warnings... waited and watched the shoreline. Maybe it was because of my age at the time, but I thought that those were all kind of fun.

For me though, fire is different. Its not like the wind or the ocean

...fire is scary.

Fire is also necessary. There are a few indigenous species of plants that depend on seasons of fire as part of its germination process. The extreme heat clears plant cover, releases seed from hard shells, ash falls from the sky and serves to nourish the soil, flowers blossom. In the wake of destruction, new generations ensure the survival of the species. This has been the cycle for eons.

Disaster, destruction, birth, it depends on your perspective.

Depending on your perspective you might look at your history, at your life and feel like you've been burned. There are times, especially lately, when the world feels so heavy I think so too. I think about my life and I get this nervous, anxious feeling in my chest. Basically, my life makes me sad sometimes.

Then there are moments when I stop to look around me, I mean really look. Stop long enough to smell the sea in the cool wind. Slow down enough to hear birdsongs. If I sit and wait for a moment I realize that I am happy. Don't get me wrong, life is suffering. This has been the cycle for eons.

This is how we survive and thrive. Disaster, destruction, love, it depends on your perspective.

thirty days

"Chillin strong." - J^2

Day thirty: Yesss.