listen

French Kicks "Abandon" from THE FEAR on Vimeo.

Then do the math:

pretty girl hoopin' - crying girl + puppy + balls + hands clapping + (Ahhhhhhhhhhh x 4) = love.

tugun, atlanta, beijing, wherever you are...

"Let sorrowful longing dwell in your heart.

Never give up, never lose hope.

Allah says, "The broken ones are my beloved."

Crush your heart. Be broken." - Shaikh Abu Kheir, aka Nobody, Son of Nobody

(So emo... so my style)

Everyone leaves.

J^2 went away this morning... in typical J^2, Whirling Dervish style. I can't help but smile thinking about how she crammed three weeks preparation time into twenty minutes of perspiration time (we were seriously sweating bullets trying to stay on schedule), all while she colored her hair.

J^2, I miss you like mad already. I've been trying to send emails, letters, photos, books to you, but I don't know exactly where you are.

:(

sixty something days

"Watch and pray, that ye fall not into temptation: the sprit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." - Matthew 26:41 (KJV)

"Prayer is better than sleep." - from the hazzan, or Islamic call to worship

Day sixty something or other: Part of sobriety includes a spiritual awakening, a moment of clarity, if you will. One of the hardships I've had to face with has been a bout of insomnia. A few nights ago, as the sun started to shine through the windows and still not a wink of sleep, I said the first prayer I have said in a very long time.

My moment of clarity.

J^2 and I had a bit of an argument that night, which often leads me to look deeply into myself and my failures. She teaches me lessons in humility as I learn how to love again. But this I will save for another time...

Back to the insomnia and sun shining in, and how I am reminded of the Garden of Gethsemane. Just hours before he is to be handed over to his executioners, Christ asks his disciples to watch guard as he prays. However, when he returns, he finds that his followers have fallen asleep. Perhaps they didn't quite understand the severity of the situation, but there is no angry reprimand, no flash of fury. The son of god was given a unique perspective on human boundaries and suffering, and therefore was, and still is, extremely merciful of his fleshly subjects.

This is what was on my mind as I begged for forgiveness, mercy and strength. The weight of the sixty something days lifted, as did some of the weight of feeling bitter, guilty and afraid. I prayed for calm and peace. And then, guess what...

Then, I fell asleep.