Art show on Thursday! If you're in town, stop by and say hello. If you're not in town, find a way to be. It'll be a big deal for a little shin-dig.

fan mail

Joel quit his job last summer with mixed emotions. On one hand, the extra time that comes with being a real life musician with real life musician pay, allows the time to not only create but also to share the creations. On the other hand, following dreams of being a real life musician means leaving behind the high school students and the satisfaction that comes along with molding the minds and forging the futures of high school students.

Sometimes you get what you wish for... and then you wish you could have everything be as it was before the wish was made.

In this case of cake and eating it as well, no one deserves the just desserts as much as a person who so selflessly gives of himself, be it as an educator or an entertainer. Good on ya, Mr. West!

My fatal flaw: a paralyzing fear of failure. Thus the years of stagnation that have become the doldrums of my everyday life. To compensate for this I celebrate all the risk takers that are moving upward and onward. For anyone grabbing life by those proverbial horns, dream big, I am forever your biggest fan.

please, please, please...

"let me get what I want, this time." - The Smiths

The last few weeks have been extremely turbulent for me. Either sad or anxious most of the time, I've been doing my best to stay composed, but I think that I am falling apart. I heard a Bhuddist dharma that goes something like, "if you are depressed, then you are living too far in the past... if you are anxious, then too far in the future."

To be honest, the present moment has been far from bliss.

Looking forward: I am so scared. It would take way too much time to explain Dr. Dave here, but for those who know, well, you'd understand the fear.

Looking back: The worst part of breaking up is the loss of my best friend. Jennette, you were bigger than you can ever understand. I depended on you. We got through a lot together. You saw me at my lowest J...

I wish I had been given the chance for you to see me at my best.

"You can't give your heart to a wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get. Until they're strong enough to run into the woods. Or fly into a tree. Then a taller tree. Then the sky. That's how you'll end up if you let yourself love a wild thing. You'll end up looking at the sky."

- Breakfast at Tffany's, Truman Capote

"I often thought that if I had to live in the trunk of a dead tree, with nothing to do but look at the sky flowing overhead, little by little I would have gotten used to it." - The Stranger, Albert Camus

I used to pray for roots... I change my mind.

Dear God, I want wings.

corazon

"The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked: who can know it?" - Jerimiah 17:9 (KJV)

My heart has been pumping poison lately... I can no longer trust it.

promises, promises

"You have definitely lost your luster." - Jennette

One broken heart ago, I made a promise to myself that I would never let anyone be careless with my heart. The tides ebb and flow, history repeats itself, and once again, I feel as if I have let myself down.

Once again, I am being left behind. Broken. Bruised. Bitter.

Luster: lost.

revenge of the nerds

"No matter how far you travel... to whatever reaches of this limitless universe... you will never be... ALONE!" - The Watcher, Fantastic Four #13, May 1963

Comic Con came and went, and the internet is blowing up with tweets about Jessica Choba sightings and mobile photo posts of Sergeant Slaughter. If not, the only explanation is that nerds are buried under stacks of graphic novels and toys... *ahem, I mean memorabilia, and haven't gotten around to doing so yet.

I get it...

Although I avoided the crowds this year, I spent most of this morning peeping at Facebook photos of nerds in costume and read the nerdy rants and raves of nerdy bloggers, and have to admit, I did so with a tinge of jealousy.

Sometimes life feels a lot like the cheesy high school movies, minus the gratifying scene when the underdog rises above, and transforms from zero to hero. Sometimes, life is like looking for a safe place to eat in the cafeteria, then having to sit alone. Sometimes life is sad and scary and lonely. Then sometimes, for a split second, while posing next to a grown man in a Batman costume for a blurry snapshot, none of that matters. At that moment, life feels incredible and infinite.

"The First Splendid Truth:

To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth" - Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun.

Food for thought as I eat up my personal Happiness Project. More to come.

(I've been away for some time, but this time I promise).

Landon

Five pounds, something something ounces. Welcome to the world, friend.

Dear God,

"... be good to me, thy sea is so great, but my boat is so small." - The Fisherman's Prayer

love life...

Let it love you back.

word

J^2 will make a friend anywhere. Standing in a checkout line, she'll strike up a conversation. Pumping gas, she'll compliment a complete stranger. Her magnanimity betrays the awkward ugly duckling high school years when she was much too tall, much too shy, and far too conspicuous. Her dynamic personality and her profession make her an automatic confidant. Thereby making her a keeper of secrets by default.

J^2 will sometimes retell the secret lives of her clients... but only the very juiciest of tidbits.

The scandals of her clients have become one of my guilty pleasures.

I just finished reading Cat Power: A Good Woman and enjoyed it very much. The author, Elizabeth Goodman does a good job in telling the tale of a shy southern girl turned singer, songwriter/actress, artist, fashionista. From the early years of singing folk songs for her grandma to her breakdown after the release of The Greatest (the album critics named her best work ever), and the period of sobriety that shortly followed, the constant battle of addiction and mental illness.

Cat Power songs are the type of songs that deeply move people. The songs reflect hope, strength and vindication through what seems at face value to be sad. Getting a deeper understanding of the background of these songs was a special treat, as they are stripped down "Naked as the News" for the reader/listener.

I remember reading about the book somewhere, and it being sold as the book Chan Marshall (aka Cat Power) doesn't want you to read. True, Chan refused invitations by the author to do interviews, and even took some legal action (but not much) to prevent the book from being published. Goodman found a loophole by interviewing family members, close friends as well as utilizing previously published Cat Power interviews. For the die hard fan, none of this will be brand new info. But it might just make you dust off your old records, as appreciation for the music is rekindled. (The Greatest has been on rotation on the hi-fi at my house for the last couple of days.) Most of all hearing second and third hand accounts gives the read a strange thrill, like shoplifting or sharing secrets.

resolution

I will do everything in my power to make 2010 feel like this:

Hardly naive. Feet on the ground, head in the sky. Roots. Wings.

(So good.)

decade

"'Do you hear that Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mr. Anderson.'

'My name is Neo!'" - The Matrix

Back in the day, the little nerdy jdk saw the year 2010 with skies full of rocket cars, labor lines filled with robot replacements, and video phones where telephones used to be.

2010 is here, and the little nerdy jdk might be a tad disappointed. No rocket cars. Corporations and the media have turned us all into robots. And, thankfully video phones haven't caught on, as my friends often rock hideous Members Only jackets, Wayfarers, and Dayglo colors... as ugly now as they were in 1987. (Whoever brought the 80's back is not doing anyone any favors.)

However, the old man jdk doesn't care much for rockets or robots. His future car is a diesel VW wagon. His new surfboards are based on retro designs. He rides a bicycle older than he is, simply because it is older than he is. The old man jdk, likes anything throwback or retro, and is fearful of change. The old man jdk wants the next decade to be much like the last.

Truth, the last decade was at many times sad, often lonely and just plain scary. I was adrift. I was lost.

That being said, the last year has been a renaissance of sorts. Once a daydreamer with eyes on the horizon, now I keep close watch, alert to keep my family safe. I once had a list of goals, destinations and of things to accomplish, I now spend time to take an honest inventory of myself. I still run, but mainly to loosen my legs and stretch out my lungs.

I was lost, then found, and still often find myself as lost as ever. But...

if nothing radically changes, if the next ten years feels like it does today, filled with promise and prospect, I won't mind a bit.