my neighbors hate me

This song has been stuck in my head. Of course, I've been singing out loud.

Feeling it.

(The lady downstairs... not so much.)

sunsets and clams

I watched a lonely sunset today and was reminded of simpler times.

Once upon a time I worked in retail. Let me rephrase that... I worked at a surf shop. I have heard the retail industry horror stories, and compared to that, the surf shop was a cruise in the Bahamas. An average work day consisted of sweeping sand off the entranceway, fitting kids into rashguards and watching the newest surf videos (so that I could make educated recommendations... of course).

As far as surf shops go, I was employed by the P Diddy of shops.

It's all about the perks: Free lunches, mega discounts, mandatory sunset watching... and best of all, a very generous commission. Pure Diddy genius, this commission. It made the crew competitive, yet kept them content. The crew was active, instead of complacent. We wanted to sell, and our bosses wanted that too.

Sales is all in the attitude. Take a slow day, very little foot traffic, a lot of sand sweeping, mass amounts of video watching and even more counting of minutes until sunset watching time. The workers are bummed, customers are ignored, therefore, potential sales opportunities are forever missed. Bummed bosses, bummed workers, bummed customers.

However, one big sale, I learned, will completely turn a day around. Even if it happened on the slowest day, one person will want to buy a board, and deck pad, and leash, and wax, and trunks, and sunglasses, and while you're at it bag some sunscreen too. One big sale and before you know the day has flown by and we're scooting people out the door to watch the sun go down with us, everyone happy as clams.

It's all in the attitude, and I learned to stay happy, treat every sale as if it were a big sale.

It's difficult to remember sometimes. We all have such great expectations of what our lives should be. Yet, we work at our crappy jobs, to pay our crappy bills, live in crappy apartments, our lives just complete crap.

And then I have to remind myself... to treat this as if I'm making a big sale.

(It's not all sunsets and clams, but it's not all that bad either.)

for H,

Pass this on.

"All teeth and smiles" (more like, all gums).

Happy Holidays.

Tocayo

I am a big fan of Tocayo, and would like you to be as well. You might as well get a head start, since the art is popping up everywhere, from skateboard decks, fashion shows, murals and most recently, the cover of City Beat (where you can read about the man behind the Luchador mask).

Jump on the bandwagon, then make fun of your friends for doing it later like it's old news.

(And while you're at it, be on the lookout for Guns and Butter.)

Brock

It was my very first Christmas tree, so I was clueless. You were super friendly, full of holiday cheer, and even helped this skinny kid toss the tree in the back of my truck.

...and then I bailed. Sorry, dood, I had no idea.

Don't blow it like I did. It's Christmas... tip the tree guy.

plans (to fail)

"Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind." - Seneca the Younger

For the last few weeks, I have been reading a book entitled Three Cups of Tea, a true story in which in the depth of failure a mountaineer finds direction. The book is amazing and is the motivation in my participation with the Pennies for Pakistan campaign. I recommend it (both the book and supporting Pennies for Peace).

You would think that the story has been motivation for me to keep a positive perspective. However, this has hardly been the case of late. Bad news seems to drop in threes,

and fours,

and fives.

There are moments in life when a man feels like a complete failure....

And then there are opportunities to rise above.

I sometimes believe that the older I get the fewer options I have. That the doors that have been broken down have been replaced by stronger doors with bigger locks. I'm talking heavy duty doors with heavy duty locks, bullet-proof 'effing deadbolts. Doors can really suck the life out of you.

But the problem isn't the door. It's not a lack of options... it's me.

Ships can be steered to go left or right. However, for this to be accomplished the ship has to be moving forward.

This is where I have been blowing it. Focused on goals, making plans and banging on doors (that were perhaps meant to never open), I've been standing idle, when I should have kept moving.

And all I can do right now is keep moving... there, the option I thought I didn't have.

The plan: a change of plan. After all, if you fail to plan, plan to fail. And, I plan on failing, at least a few more times... but I promise to get back up, dust myself off and keep my feet moving.

The sea calls. The wind is right. It's time for this old man to set sail.

thanks

"You'd better count your blessings." - my mom

"One." - my smart-ass reply (circa 1993)

Seems that I've been letting myself get down over all the things that suck recently. Therefore, I am grateful for the reminder to be grateful this time of the year. Life can be bitter at times, but I am determined to drink deep. To quote one of my most favorite young ladies, "I am scarred, but I am whole" and I have much to be thankful for.

To my queen of silver linings: Despite being miles apart and x days away, I am constantly humbled by your wisdom and grace, you form diamonds under heat and pressure. You amaze me. Thank you.

To my family, friends, fellow pilgrims and pioneers, all the friendly faces, the bumped and bruised: the road would not be the same without you. I am eternally grateful.

To you: You know who you are... Thank you.

Sunshine.

flash

I don't know where this page is taken from, but I love it. It describes my never ending journey perfectly.

My life as flash fiction.

Legend has it, that it all started with a bar bet. Someone challenged Ernest Hemmingway to write a story in one sentence. What resulted are the six words:

"For sale baby shoes never worn."

The challenge continues as a yearly contest, and an everyday reminder to carefully choose my words, to never have to un-ring a bell.

(My favorite submission, also my life in flash, "I like big butts, can't lie.")

lost: the uniform of a midlife crisis

"I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear." - This Charming Man, The Smiths

"You have to hang on in periods when your style isn't popular, because if it's good, it'll come back, and you'll be a recognized beauty one again." - Andy Warhol

"Whoever brought the eighties back is not doing anyone any favors!"

- overheard in an Urban Outfitters dressing room

I have reason to believe that I am currently undergoing a midlife crisis. No, I'm not dating the 19 year old intern, and no convertible sports car (yet). The proof is, as they say, in the pudding. And, the pudding has been slathered all over my current wardrobe.

Exhibit A: The denim.

That's right... not jeans. Denim. And when it comes to my trouser selection, I speak a completely different language. Japanese denim, 2% spandex, super slims with button-fly closure and slight boot cut, in Elephant skin. That is exactly how I like my jeans... uh, I mean my denim.

Translation = tight.

I have to turn down servings of dessert and spend extra hours at the gym to squeeze these puppies on. Okay, I might be exaggerating a little. But the jeans are snug.

Exhibit B: The exhibition of my boobs. Or, as I like to call the look, "The Hoff".

In which my shirts display ample amounts of bosom. Button-ups stop at least three from the top. Even my t-shirt, it's not a v-neck, it's a deep-v. The style says, "Why yes, I have been working out." (Even if you don't ask me verbally, I can see it in your eyes.)

You might not get it... but I hear "The Hoff" is huge in Germany.

The Coup de grâce: White leather Italian Loafers.

Oh yes, the kicks. Perfect for dressing down a three piece suit or dressing up a Saturday afternoon golf ensemble. And man, are they comfy. It's like walking on a cloud, or on the crushed dreams of the broken backed proletariat. If you could eat shoes, this would be my equivalent of a dark chocolate soufflé, and I would weigh at least 350 pounds.

Lately, more and more often, I've been wearing clothes that I swore I would never wear. In other words, I think I've somehow, somewhere lost myself, and it is reflected in my clothing choice.

Or maybe not.

The "I partied my ass off and just woke up," dusty cardigan, wrinkled T, and faded Vans look, will probably come back the next time I party my ass off and just wake up.

Till then, I'll keep you posted on the intern and convertible.

ninety days

"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Persian proverb

"Yeah, you know what this is, it's a celebration, bitches!" - Celebration, Kanye West

Day ninety: feels amazing! A tingly mix between accomplishment and preparedness for the struggle ahead.

to do:

1) Get happy.

Go surfing, running, stretch, draw, paint, read, write, cook, love. Pet dogs, smile at strangers, wish on shooting stars. Breathe! Whatever it takes, no more wallowing, mister!

2) Get to work.

There's a list on the fridge, in your planner, various calendars, stickies everywhere. This list is only the beginning, start crossing stuff off.

3) Get out.

...of the house, be around people, smile. Speak, speak, speak. Quit being weird, it is so very not sexy.

4) Don't panic.

"Don't get overwhelmed." - J^2.

Listen to her. Breathe!

You got this, now go!

listen

French Kicks "Abandon" from THE FEAR on Vimeo.

Then do the math:

pretty girl hoopin' - crying girl + puppy + balls + hands clapping + (Ahhhhhhhhhhh x 4) = love.

tugun, atlanta, beijing, wherever you are...

"Let sorrowful longing dwell in your heart.

Never give up, never lose hope.

Allah says, "The broken ones are my beloved."

Crush your heart. Be broken." - Shaikh Abu Kheir, aka Nobody, Son of Nobody

(So emo... so my style)

Everyone leaves.

J^2 went away this morning... in typical J^2, Whirling Dervish style. I can't help but smile thinking about how she crammed three weeks preparation time into twenty minutes of perspiration time (we were seriously sweating bullets trying to stay on schedule), all while she colored her hair.

J^2, I miss you like mad already. I've been trying to send emails, letters, photos, books to you, but I don't know exactly where you are.

:(

sixty something days

"Watch and pray, that ye fall not into temptation: the sprit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." - Matthew 26:41 (KJV)

"Prayer is better than sleep." - from the hazzan, or Islamic call to worship

Day sixty something or other: Part of sobriety includes a spiritual awakening, a moment of clarity, if you will. One of the hardships I've had to face with has been a bout of insomnia. A few nights ago, as the sun started to shine through the windows and still not a wink of sleep, I said the first prayer I have said in a very long time.

My moment of clarity.

J^2 and I had a bit of an argument that night, which often leads me to look deeply into myself and my failures. She teaches me lessons in humility as I learn how to love again. But this I will save for another time...

Back to the insomnia and sun shining in, and how I am reminded of the Garden of Gethsemane. Just hours before he is to be handed over to his executioners, Christ asks his disciples to watch guard as he prays. However, when he returns, he finds that his followers have fallen asleep. Perhaps they didn't quite understand the severity of the situation, but there is no angry reprimand, no flash of fury. The son of god was given a unique perspective on human boundaries and suffering, and therefore was, and still is, extremely merciful of his fleshly subjects.

This is what was on my mind as I begged for forgiveness, mercy and strength. The weight of the sixty something days lifted, as did some of the weight of feeling bitter, guilty and afraid. I prayed for calm and peace. And then, guess what...

Then, I fell asleep.

stoked!

"Life is a wave, and your attitude is your surfboard. Enjoy the ride!" - Drew Kampion

ASR was last weekend. I dipped in to show my face, bro-down and attempt to stay connected somehow to the surfing industry. This year seemed a little low-keyed in comparison to the raging party scene of ASRs past. But still, as always, I leave miffed by the immature behavior of the majority of the attendees. More than a few times while walking around the show, I rolled my eyes, annoyed (like my mom does) by some kind of shenanigans. As always, I come to the sad conclusion that surfers, skateboarders and snowboarders seem to age, but they do not grow up.

Then it hit me... isn't this the point?

Think about sports that are played in high school. How many grown ups get to still play football or baseball on the weekends? Most adults are reduced to spectators, who have nothing but glory days of the past to bask in. On the other hand, boardsport participants look to the future. Snowboarders await seasons of snow, surfers wait for sets and skateboarders... well, they go skateboarding.

I think of my own experiences. Surfing is the only thing that I have ever been good at. I don't get out as often, but I am still captivated. No matter what I am doing, I pause when the wind switches offshore. Changing seasons excite me, with the knowledge that the shift in weather means shifts of the sand, wind and waves. Summertime south swell, north swell in the winter, cross swells in between.

Surfing has been the pot of gold waiting at the end of my travels. The search for waves is behind most of the stamps in my passport. How many golfers can claim that? How many basketball enthusiasts go on trips to shoot hoops?

When people write about surfing, it always seems a little cheesy. Maybe it's because the feeling is so difficult to explain and put into words. Stoked is the word often used to describe the feeling of euphoria associated with surfing. It was a word I used to use a lot. These days I am always annoyed, or peeved, or exasperated, or irked, or, or, or... you get the picture.

What I should do is just go surfing. I should take a minute to let myself be cleansed by the sea. I should change my attitude, I should be...

stoked.

隐形人 yǐnxíng-rén

"Then I guess we all miss you." - H

My brother's friend Daniel was the first of our group of friends to get married. I was in the ninth grade when it happened, and he was a few years older than my brother, who is a few years older than me. But still, Daniel was young when he got hitched.

A few years later Daniel had his first child. He wasn't the first of our group to have a child, but he was the first to do it right (in the traditional family set up: husband, wife, baby, is what I mean). Around this time is when Daniel started to vanish.

We saw less and less of Daniel, fewer spottings at the beach and never ever after 9 P.M. Whenever we did see him, he typically had a diaper bag under arm and kids in tow. We missed him.

I found out later that Daniel missed us too. We all assumed that he was busy warming up bottles, changing diapers, day-care, karate, ballet, soccer. Truth was, there were times when Daniel waited for his phone to ring, days when his wife (motivated by love/pity) wanted him out of the house. He would putter around the garage wondering what the old gang was up to.

In our minds Daniel had grown up and left us behind... in his mind, Daniel felt left behind.

I know how you feel, brother. My life is a whirlwind of classes and work. Toss in a six-year old and it gets really intense. Some mornings I can't remember what time who needs to be dropped off and where. Between ear infections and fevers, looking for lost homework, making pancakes and packing sack lunches, my world is overwhelming at times.

And it is starting to shrink. This is how it feels to be grown up I guess. My friends wonder where I've been (and I wonder where my friends went.)

But, I am not complaining.

Once I was young. I felt like I had thousands of open doors ahead of me. The future was like touching books with fairy tale adventures awaiting within. I was a Lost Boy and I refused to grow up. There were no horizons. My world was enormous and open,

...but also lonely,

...and often sad.

My friends you should know that I haven't vanished. I am here, I am happy, but I miss you too.

seasons of fire

There are fires burning out of control up north. I get this nervous, anxious feeling whenever I watch the news reports.

Growing up in Hawaii, I have had my share of natural disasters. I have experienced a couple of Hurricanes... watched the wind blow by. There were a few tsunami warnings... waited and watched the shoreline. Maybe it was because of my age at the time, but I thought that those were all kind of fun.

For me though, fire is different. Its not like the wind or the ocean

...fire is scary.

Fire is also necessary. There are a few indigenous species of plants that depend on seasons of fire as part of its germination process. The extreme heat clears plant cover, releases seed from hard shells, ash falls from the sky and serves to nourish the soil, flowers blossom. In the wake of destruction, new generations ensure the survival of the species. This has been the cycle for eons.

Disaster, destruction, birth, it depends on your perspective.

Depending on your perspective you might look at your history, at your life and feel like you've been burned. There are times, especially lately, when the world feels so heavy I think so too. I think about my life and I get this nervous, anxious feeling in my chest. Basically, my life makes me sad sometimes.

Then there are moments when I stop to look around me, I mean really look. Stop long enough to smell the sea in the cool wind. Slow down enough to hear birdsongs. If I sit and wait for a moment I realize that I am happy. Don't get me wrong, life is suffering. This has been the cycle for eons.

This is how we survive and thrive. Disaster, destruction, love, it depends on your perspective.

thirty days

"Chillin strong." - J^2

Day thirty: Yesss.

fortunately

J^2 and I had lunch at Sipz, this rad vegan place today. Everything from the crispy tofu, the "chicken" to the vietnamese iced coffee was perfection. They even give fortune cookies with the bill, which I usually think is goofy.

Today's fortune:

"Do it because you love it."

Exactly.

day one

"When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly."

- Edward Teller

Day One: learning to fly.

"no more tomorrows"

Don't walk away.

street sweepers and souffle bakers

"If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well."

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"You are worthy of my best work." - Roy Yamaguchi

"I can't wait to quit this job!" - Waiting

A few years ago, the company that I work for scripted a mission statement entitled the Roy's Way. I remember the senior staff at the time scoffing at the way the suits in corporate offices had put into words what we were doing everyday. We were given little cards and booklets to read, defining Roy's way and were expected to have most of it committed to memory. I remember leaving the staff meeting and looking back at the tables and all the cards and booklets left behind like trash by most of the staff. They did not need a mission statement to define what was expected of them. Our corporate bosses had forgotten that it was us, the original staffers that defined Roy's Way, and not the other way around.

The service industry is harsh. Roy's is no exception. Kitchen staff are overworked and underpaid. Front of house employees are as easily disposed of as they are replaced. Despite all the negatives, there is something about the feeling of family that is refreshing. The corporate offices throw around words like Aloha and o'hana freely, words that have a deeper meaning in Hawaiian culture, but it is us, the staff that continually define these words.

I realize the struggle to balance family and business, community and commerce. However, fundamental Roy's Way is beautiful. At times, attempting to live up to its ideals in this system, at this present time may seem unrealistic, and and at the very least, extremely frustrating. Maybe I'm reading too far between the lines, but at the core of the mission statement I see love and respect for guests and coworkers. To treat everyone worthy of our best is a goal all should strive to live up to.

Realize that I struggle to balance frustration and fundamentals, that at my core is a desire to serve others. Tonight I skirt on the edge of burnout. I plan on leaving this restaurant job in a few months. As an ambassador of aloha, I will take the Roy's Way to whatever comes next. Expect great things from me. Even from a lowly position this Hoku hopes to shine. No matter what, I will try to give my best... you are worth it.

walkabout

The plan was a couch tour for six months, while I saved money for a place of my own.

I'm not complaining about my last roommate, but after years of sharing homes, I had decided that I was done with roomies and all the roomie crap that comes along with sharing a space. The plan was a walkabout of sorts, before settling down alone... (finally) a man.

That was supposed to be the plan.

J^2 was, as always, the hospitable host. She opened up her home and offered her couch to me, despite the knowledge of how weird I can be at times. J^2 was awesome. The couch tour never happened. I never left.

A few weeks ago I took a quick trip back to Kauai. I remember waiting for my flight to Hawaii, thinking how great it was to be heading home. I thought the same thing waiting for my flight back to San Diego. Always heading home... life in limbo can be wonderful at times.

The plan was supposed to be a walkabout before getting settled into a place of my own. I'm not sure if it ever happened, maybe I'm still on walkabout or maybe I'm supposed to stay here.

Wherever, whatever, right now this feels right...

this feels like home.

give...

….back
….thanks
….peace a chance
….a wave to a stranger
….great big smiles
….it your all
….“em hell ol Boy”
….the gift of love
….the shirt off your back

lets save ourselves
from ourselves
start helping & stop
hurting

♥ the love army ♥

hey ya,

"If they say that nothing is forever, then what makes love the exception?"- Outcast

(shake it like a polaroid picture.)

dream big

"Every day is a new day. It is better to be lucky. But I would rather be exact. Then when the luck comes you are ready." - The Old Man and The Sea, Ernest Hemmingway

this must be the place

For the first time in a long time my jaw is unclenched. I am relaxed/ready for whatever is coming next.

Hawaii is an amazing place. White sandy beaches, waves and waterfalls. I highly recommend a trip to the Aloha State to everyone.

Kauai has a natural beauty that will not be ignored. There were a few moments where I stopped just to oooh and ahhhh over the greenery on the side of the highway (and this is on highways that I had driven on thousands upon thousands of times before.)

I ran through rain forests, chased chickens, ate fruit fresh off of trees, squished mud through my toes...

basically felt like I could live forever, and then suddenly reality felt a little more bearable.

Book your tickets immediately... learn, live, love.

sophie

Dog owners live longer. It's a scientific fact... Google it.

According to the Journal of the British Veterinary Association, studies done by psychologists have found that owning a dog can have a positive effect on your health. Research has shown that dogs help lower blood pressure, they help to deal with stress which helps with feeling better overall. I don't even need to mention the dogs that pull children from burning buildings or sniff out cancer.

On that note, meet Sophie...

Sophie was rescued from a local animal shelter. J^2 found her, a poster child for sad, sleepy, abandoned puppies. I wanted her to look at a happy, energetic Lab mix around the corner, but it was love at first sight for those two.
Sophie for me was a bunch of red flags. She was nervous and not very social. Even the shelter lady had her reservations, especially since the dog would be around children. Sophie was shy, cautious and not very responsive... Sophie was plain bummed out.

J^2 is always the optimist and gave the shy, nervous, anti-social pup a hug. J^2 was in love... I had serious doubts. Think about it, I said. We're getting a dog, she squealed.


Sophie, it took some time, but I warmed up to her. How could I not? She is sharp and smart. Sophie is a great walker, does not bark and came house trained. My two most favorite Sophie traits are, she waits for me to get home from work (so I can take her down to potty... but still, it's a nice feeling to have someone waiting up). And, Sophie has no concept of personal space, which is nice when I need a cuddle (and there are days when I really really need a cuddle).



I learned something from J^2 and this adorable little pup. If she had listened to my voice of reason, who knows what would have happened to Sophie. Thanks to her impulsiveness I also fell in love with the dog that is saving my life.

Sophie is a lesson that...


Sometimes life is just meant to be lived.

the resolution

I am no longer willing to fight for anyone else.

From now on I battle for myself, with myself.


(The thirty third year begins in a few weeks and will mark a turning point for what is to become.)

almost summer

Can I tell you how much I hate the heat? 

   I really dislike being sweaty and sticky and that all over greasy feeling that comes from being hot. While I'm being a grumpy complainer, I hate traffic, tourists, litter and stingrays, all things associated with my favorite time of the year. 

   

   I was born on the first day of summer, just a few miles from the ocean. The son of a waterman, he joked that saltwater flowed through my veins. I spent my childhood weekends on fishing boats, surfboards and beach towels. 

   

   Can I tell you how much I love summer? 

   Ignore my previous list... south swells, warm water, bikinis and brown babies playing in the sand makes sweating in my car, trapped behind a motor-home, while circling for a parking spot almost bearable. 

   This summer's daily schedule: surfing, donuts, surfing, burritos, surfing, sunsets and beer. Squeeze in some dog beach, pool parties and a quick trip home to see the family and you have a recipe for the second best summer ever!

...If only it wasn't so hot.     

come with?

This video makes me want to do two things: eat sushi and do it in Hokkaido. 

I love the people's reaction to the "kamera"! 

That's it... I'm going! 

Come with?

Kumran

"This my excavation and today is Kumran.

Everything that happens from here is now on." 

- re:stacks, Bon Iver

"When they found them it changed the whole course of Christianity, whether people wanted to know it or not. A lot of people chose to ignore it, a lot of people decided to run with it, and for many people it destroyed their faith..." 

- Justin Vernon

There are a few cases where the artist is nearly as interesting as the art. Justin Vernon would have to be one of my favorite examples of this. Broke and broken hearted, Vernon retreated to a cabin deep in the woods and recorded over a winter one of my all time favorite albums.

   Kumran is the name of the site that the Dead Sea scrolls were discovered. Among the scrolls were copies of the book of Isaiah, dating hundreds of years older than the oldest copy of the bible. The texts were compared and very little variations were discovered. Opponents to the authenticity of our modern day translations were silenced.

   

   We are at times in our lives faced with trials that test, reveal and validate our true character.

   At your Kumran you have handled yourself with grace, confirming the strength and beauty that continues to leave me awestruck and at the same feeling clumsy and childish.

   Run with it. Leave the opponents in silence.

retro video games (and lessons in life)

I love the  video game Tetris. Keep in mind that I am not very good at it. There is just way too much pressure for me to perform, and let's just say that I do not perform well under pressure. That being said, every now and then, in the middle of play I find my happy place and I'm in the zone. Before I know it, blocks are falling into place, bonus points are happening and I absolutely rule the video game... thus explaining my love for the game.

   Life is at times like a game of Tetris. Most of the time I feel like I stumble through a round. Sometimes the blocks that are on queue are those weird "S" shaped blocks that never seem to fit anywhere. Most of the time the blocks just come way too fast and are piled way too high. Like Tetris, the pressures of life are sometimes too much

...and we all know how I perform under pressure (if you don't already know, I do not do well under pressure.)

   That being said, one day my life will feel just like a game of Tetris, one of those games where blocks are falling into place, bonus points are happening, I find my happy place and absolutely rule... thus my love of life!

   One day... soon. 

requiem for a dream (see also: the rise of the machines)

It's the wee hours of the morning and I just woke up from a frantic nightmare. Here I am, living testament to why old men and technology should never mix.

   This here is the culprit... all beautiful and blue. Don't let it's demure appearance fool you. This beautiful and blue little number had me grinding my teeth down to stumps and woke me in a cold sweat. 

   A little bit of a background story is in order.

  

 (cue up the flash back effects)  

   Yesterday was officially my first day on eBay. Yep, for the first time ever I set up an account. Which means that I am officially out of 1992 (cue applause... thank you, thank you.) It also means that I have a new addiction, and like all addictions, this one got ugly... FAST!

   

   It started out innocently: A brief search, a quick peek, a modest bid then off to bed. Innocent right? 

   

   In my dreams, instead of falling asleep, I am in a heated bid battle, I am obsessed with the blue bike. The bidding started at $25 and my original offer was $56. Very quickly, the situation gets out of hand. I tell myself that, "I will not go past $300." But when b***2 makes that bid, I crack and go $315, but r***r has already beat me to it. I am trapped in the high stakes world of online shopping! 

   

   Thankfully I woke up at this point, before I started robbing convenience stores or turning tricks for a bicycle pimp.

   

   Great news! I just checked my account and I am still the high bidder and currently in the lead! To ensure my leader status I even bumped up my minimum bid a little. 

   I'll keep you posted... let's go ride bikes!

   (That is, if I'm not too busy working the street corner or robbing a 7-11.) 

Ivy,

Welcome to the world, little one.

love,
me